The Institutionist

(That’s what I kept thinking Nicholson Baker’s new novel was called. The Institutionist. Did you mean: The Institutionalist?!?!??!) (Still braindead.) Anyway: Geoff Dyer on Nicholson Baker‘s The Anthologist (in the Abu Dhabi National): It’s a bonkers idea, but as we all know, any given sentence can be galvanised by a single surprising word (which is [...]

Coins

When I’m the first person in the office early in the morning I often sing a little sub-pseudo–Trout Mask Replica ditty to myself as I “settle in.” I just made a first crack at recording it though like many first cracks this one was unsuccessful, partly owing to how I “inadvertently” lobotomized myself this weekend, [...]

“College Town, 1980″

“Dolores often wanted to die, even though she didn’t know what it was like, either. Allan used to tell her about the recurring nightmares he had, in which his father humiliated him sexually. He said it was the same thing as dreaming about death. Dolores thought that if to be humiliated was to be dead, [...]

money and sex

I take the idea of “live radio” seriously——even if the live radio is streaming 70s cheese from a different time zone. [rest of thought deleted. Friday evening deleted] I use twitter, for some reason. I throw links and thoughts onto it throughout the day. It’s more pointless than this blog by a factor of 0.3. [...]

Protected: scary gender theater

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

mite studies

Colossal whatever. Tiny whatever. Breathalizer test–I did OK. It gave me  something like a B+. My first novel was about a league of mites who started a sex colony in a suburban forest. That’s the whole first part — graphic mite sex, mite betrayal, mite weeping, illegitimate mite babies, etc. It’s more like a prologue. [...]

sad, dumb movie

CHARLIZE: Thank you so much for taking me to this restaurant! It looks yummy. I’m tired from working all day. BORIS: Hey. Ha. Yeah. Great. No problem. I’m hungry, too. New York City is “crazy,” right? Brooklyn, Manhattan—you know what I mean. I’m going to order this kipper roulade, it looks interesting CHARLIZE: Great. Get [...]

little vamp

I have known many women who hate the word moist. Sometimes they specify that they also hate the phrase moist panties. At least three ladies I’ve known have independently reported this distaste over the years. I think this is something a lot of American women share. I don’t hate this phrase. I don’t love it, [...]

CV

My work has appeart in Shit Furnace, Papal Nutsheath, The Crow’s Li’l Quarterly, Preen, Lobestone, Nepali Ice Review, Pindelyboz, Jamiroquai, Text of Whispers, bu*lsh*t, Webslingazz, Postal Mouth, The Meal, Ripyarns, Cambridge and You, Frowncake, Busty Feminist Review, Clamhouse, Ars Poetica, Hayden’s Ferry Review, McSweeney’s, Fence, BOMB, The Paris Review, Open City, The Quarterly, Genesis West, [...]

my visceral dinner

DENNIS: Too busy to blog JENNY: Too busy even for me? Your “private” blog? DENNIS: [his laughter setting his corpulence a-vibratin'] Well….. a ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho [ten minutes later] DENNIS: [screaming] Fuuckk!!!!! JENNY: [deadpan] What’s wrong DENNIS: Nothing JENNY: Oh. I thought you were screaming DENNIS: Naw, just “surfin the [...]