My College Radio Application

Dear mom and dad, I went to college from 1999-2003, where I lived, ate, breathed, and smoked college radio (WOBC-FM) all day every day. Then, with a year left, I dropped out to move to CA to work for a magazine. I worked there for the next eight years. Then I fell in love with [...]

Vegan Breastmilk for Sale

Editor’s Note: This blog entry contains the personal, journal-entry-style musings of its author. The diaristic mode is a common one on the “blogosphere,” but critics and pundits still find the time to complain about how boring and pointless it is for people to write about themselves if they’re not living through extremity.  If you are [...]

Keep the Internet Perfect

Elvis Mitchell Trip Pouch I. Hibiscus jibsmeat or stoke rocks rookie & Layered up or Loans Out for the out-troweled beast. Books’ tarps plus / clone   II. Chime laughter’s step-smock paper lops off the top of my peer. Having pets is immoral. They don’t want to be your pets. Ask VAL KILMER. Double styled [...]

Let This Hangover Be Not Wasted

I’m in a book club with a whole bunch of pseudonyms: Jeremiah’d, Paulie Groundphones, Li’l Broheim, Shampoosie, et al. Maybe their pseudonyms should be taken from the book we’re reading, instead of from the jovial thin air above, since the book is already populated by hundreds of perfectly named minor characters. But I’d want an [...]

100% Fiction

The brain can’t have sex — you have to use a different organ. Take it from me: I’m a PhD in biology! But listen. “I’m done.” I know it isn’t Internet Season. The snow in California is qualitatively different — which is to say, “different” –than East Coast or even Mid-Western snow that sticks to [...]

recent activity

suburban caffeine death fantasy

RICO: Sucks that we’re not allowed to complain anymore. PIMM: Me too. RICO:  Just to confirm: we decided that blogging is funny and ‘grand’ but that to write a sustained performance destined for ‘print’, like a novel or a book-length unstageable play, you have to “rose at 5:30 a.m. to write and often stayed up [...]

Familiar Feelings

At work on a Sunday, having been at work on a Saturday, having etc. Not complaining. Possibly burned out, but not complaining. Entire body sore. A healthy sun-baked cousin to a headache echoes hours after running 8 miles. To the ballpark and back. I’ve returned to Hal Higdon. I haven’t had coffee in about a [...]

Prevaricated Sun Preference

[Ten hours later] DERRICK: I hate cats, I like dogs JELLIE: I know DERRICK: What if I adopted a cat instead JELLIE: Call me Julie. JULIE: Your apartment is too small. [They get married.] DERRICK: I want a divorce JULIE: No. [Julie's uncle murders Derrick.] DERRICK’S DANISH COUSIN, JAMIE MEEPENSTONE: Hey JULIE: Hey meeps DERRICK: [...]

grumpus

BLOGGING IS A POINTLESS ACTIVITY///////////// HERE ARE MY POINTLESS THOUGHTS ON BLOGS////////////////// A GIANT SANS-SERIF WHO CARES DESCENDS UPON THE CITY, CRUSHING EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT AN ADORABLE ANIMAL OR AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN M.A. ORTHOFER’s UNSWERVING GROUCHINESS ABOUT BOOKS AND BOOK COVERAGE ALWAYS MAKES ME HAPPY. I’M NOT SURE WHY. PLEASE “STAY TUNED” FOR A [...]