impossible beer

Everyone in this cubicleless office is oppressed by a sludgy afternoon malaise.
4:30 p.m. in San Francisco.
I see a tall, chilled mug of beer on a low table in New York City.
It’s swirling. Cloudy and milky. The beer is frosty.
Peering into it is like looking through the glass shell of a crystal ball.
The future is visible [...]

Permanent Teardrop.

Hey Cancer
How’s “the darkness
Fine
Not as dark as you make it sound
Black beans and codfish
Shapeshifter rsvp’d.
Self-Zine?
Got fired Friday, can’t make it
Dog wearing lipstick?
Dunno,  she’s in heat, maybe spayed,  upset
really?
aye
listen
Fear-monger
canceled too. it’s just gonna be me you and self-zine
shapeshifter
And li’l caesar
The pizza guy

used to work for Men’s Wearhouse.
Hey whoww ofenn does your zine come out?
—Every other fortnight
does [...]

Eyeball Soup

There is a bowl of chili here.
Steam rises from its beans and meatflecks. It billows politely around a dollop of cold sour cream.
As you gaze into the stew, my face—the face of a young, obese Steven Spielberg, “replete” with undirty baseball cap and full Jewish hair fanning out from beneath the cap’s circumference—appears to you [...]

Amber Tamblyn

a preponderance of shit to do has thrown me into a “fake” existential crisis where I am looking at Amber Tamblyn’s Wikipedia page instead doing the things I gotta do. Via Ed, holy crap, how did I not know about Amber Tamblyn?? She’s blogging at the Poetry Foundation:
You’re the Beyonce of Susan B. Anthonys.  None [...]

Full-Scale Erotica

—Intelligence has nothing to do with it.
—Then what’s it about?
—Whether or not you’re right.
—How’s that determined?
—History? I don’t know. Sex?
—Sex tells you whether or not you’re right?
—If you’re having good sex, nice sex, successful sex with someone, then you’re right.
—”Well, you’re doing something right.”
—Exactly.
—You were also saying something about sex addicts.
—The [scholarly name for the [...]

Beatrix and the Double-Frog

BEATRIX POTTER MASK: This pace is good. Try to keep up this pace, OK?
DOUBLE-FROG: Okay.
BPM: You’re tired today.
DF: Yeah.
BPM: What’s up?
DF: Dunno. Got foal-legs again.
BPM: But why?
DF: Sleep sked’s outta whack.
BPM: Trouble concentrating?
DF: That’s more of a terminal problem. That’s chronic for me. But yes, more than normal today.
BPM: Do you feel guilty?
DF: Do you [...]

Brand New Sculptcha

Zak Kitnick, the greatest artist of his generation, is in a show at Socrates Sculpture Park that opens this Sunday, September 13th.
EAF09: 2009 EMERGING ARTIST FELLOWSHIP EXHIBITION
SEPTEMBER 13, 2009 – MARCH 7, 2010
OPENING: SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2009 / 2-6PM
32-01 VERNON BOULEVARD (AT BROADWAY)
Join us at Socrates Sculpture Park on Sunday, September 13, 2009 (2-6pm) for [...]

Gloaming {the Cube}

TED BILLIONS: I know you’re burned out, Leland. Hang in there
LELAND: Fuck this. Fuck you.
TED: You are a very privileged person. You’re looking a gift horse in the mouf
LELAND: And you’re looking a gift horse in its butt. Parry! Thrust!
TED: I’m wounded. You’ll pay for this
LELAND: What part of me gives you the sense that [...]

sad, dumb movie

CHARLIZE: Thank you so much for taking me to this restaurant! It looks yummy. I’m tired from working all day.
BORIS: Hey. Ha. Yeah. Great. No problem. I’m hungry, too. New York City is “crazy,” right? Brooklyn, Manhattan—you know what I mean. I’m going to order this kipper roulade, it looks interesting
CHARLIZE: Great. Get me a [...]

CV

My work has appeart in Shit Furnace, Papal Nutsheath, The Crow’s Li’l Quarterly, Preen, Lobestone, Nepali Ice Review, Pindelyboz, Jamiroquai, Text of Whispers, bu*lsh*t, Webslingazz, Postal Mouth, The Meal, Ripyarns, Cambridge and You, Frowncake, Busty Feminist Review, Clamhouse, Ars Poetica, Hayden’s Ferry Review, McSweeney’s, Fence, BOMB, The Paris Review, Open City, The Quarterly, Genesis West, [...]