Cy Preclops

—I haven’t had a drink since Saturday.
—It’s Wednesday.
—I know
—You sound like an alcoholic.
—I know. It still feels good not to drink. I’m going to keep going with it.
—Good! That’s good.
—Every time I make a proclamation like this I immediately undermine myself, but I sort of want to become totally straight-edge: no booze, no drugs, no [...]

personal pan pizza

—Quit drinking coffee, day 4, still feel a little moony, a little spacey, but pretty much out of the woods
—Blog, internet, writing, friends, harmful, peaceful occlusions. Dog just realized “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ is a brilliant name for a (brilliant) TV show. Couldn’t get enough of the photographs accompanying this NYT article about The Onion, [...]

Where Is War-Weena?

—Internet’s quiet tonight
—Yep
—You said yer sleepy. Sure you wanna be bloggin?
—Don’t see why not. Got some language in my pan, might as well fry it up
—That don’t mean you necessarily have anything to say [easing off the fake southern accent outta self-consciousness]
—always got something to say. even when I don’t. I dig the “tale told [...]

“gravity’s pinned minions / ain’t that sweet”

Four new poems by Richard Parks in Snow Monkey. Love em. “Hey: what’s the Spanish for ‘ass curtain’?”
I really picked the wrong night last night to drink four beers smoke 40 fags and eat a suiza, man, sheesh! Why? Well, today I have to be in 1980s businesswoman drag all day, for work—shoulder-pads, heels, thigh-cut [...]

Full-Scale Erotica

—Intelligence has nothing to do with it.
—Then what’s it about?
—Whether or not you’re right.
—How’s that determined?
—History? I don’t know. Sex?
—Sex tells you whether or not you’re right?
—If you’re having good sex, nice sex, successful sex with someone, then you’re right.
—”Well, you’re doing something right.”
—Exactly.
—You were also saying something about sex addicts.
—The [scholarly name for the [...]

Conceit 2.0

I think I wrote this two nights ago. When people start going to therapy, it’s all they can talk about. I’m not paying anyone to listen to me talk about myself right now. Well, occasionally I buy people beers and then talk about myself. I ply folks with “blue” American Spirits. But no therapy.

PEDRO VALLEYWHISTLE: [...]

Alfredo Nightmare

FACEBOOK, NY. 2009.
The air is suffused with sex and romance. A woman in an apron pulls a baking sheet of marzipan from the oven and sets in on the counter to cool. I wrote this last weekend, but am for some dumb reason ([internet] problems at home) only posting it now.

WOMAN: I’ve got to sing [...]

heartbroken fatsuit

CHARLES CHUBINKSI: You look fantastic in that sweater.
LORI TREVANIAN: I know.
[They are both hungover and in love. Their relationship is broken.]
LORI: I’m starving.
CC: I know.
[She's better than he is. More attractive, more "vital life force." He's a neurotic dump.]
LORI: I love you.
CHARLES: Nah, you don’t. I mean, you won’t. After we’ve been broken up for [...]

Beatrix and the Double-Frog

BEATRIX POTTER MASK: This pace is good. Try to keep up this pace, OK?
DOUBLE-FROG: Okay.
BPM: You’re tired today.
DF: Yeah.
BPM: What’s up?
DF: Dunno. Got foal-legs again.
BPM: But why?
DF: Sleep sked’s outta whack.
BPM: Trouble concentrating?
DF: That’s more of a terminal problem. That’s chronic for me. But yes, more than normal today.
BPM: Do you feel guilty?
DF: Do you [...]

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