The Lonely Dads of Noe Valley

Even though I quit my job of eight years I am not unemployed though I am certainly not overemployed and there are things I should be doing but today it feels impossible to do them. I have been scooping the internet too hard and now my voice is stuck in this breathless Tweety Drescherian whine.  [...]

Let This Hangover Be Not Wasted

I’m in a book club with a whole bunch of pseudonyms: Jeremiah’d, Paulie Groundphones, Li’l Broheim, Shampoosie, et al. Maybe their pseudonyms should be taken from the book we’re reading, instead of from the jovial thin air above, since the book is already populated by hundreds of perfectly named minor characters. But I’d want an [...]

Lingua Citadel

I work for a small nonprofit theater company; a theater festival in the Hague (Den Haag), Netherlands, inexplicably invited members of our company to a festival they are putting on but all the senior members of my small theater company got lockjaw syndrome and painful-butt disease so by the luck of the draw I got [...]

Cy Preclops

—I haven’t had a drink since Saturday. —It’s Wednesday. —I know —You sound like an alcoholic. —I know. It still feels good not to drink. I’m going to keep going with it. —Good! That’s good. —Every time I make a proclamation like this I immediately undermine myself, but I sort of want to become totally [...]

Sexy Convalescence

BITCHY LITTLE TUB OF MOISTURIZING CREAM: I went to college! [No one says anything. They studiously ignore her.] B.L.T.M.C.: I majored in English! I’m a philosopher! I’m hot!!! [Pause] I’m sexy. I’m desirable. I’m great. [Pause] When I had that skiing accident last year, my entire left leg was in a cast. I would lie [...]

Shellfishness

This blog has lately become yet another “Chris Ying is ineffably awesome forever” blog, which is fine by me. (He’s written a few guest posts, after all!) At any rate, old Plebescite‘s got a brilliant piece in the new issue of Meatpaper, on “why we watch men eating meat”: If the complaint about porn is [...]

Dirtbikin’ Through the Times

two quotations from the nyt: White excitedly showed sketches for his contribution to Meatpaper magazine’s party at Camino the following night: a pig’s head stuffed with a terrine of tongues. (“Blah Blah Beats the Nodes Out of the Snot-Rags,” p. A57) In effect, anybody with money can circumvent the Legislature by putting something to a [...]

drunkblogging the crankysphere

WRITING IS A PERFORMANCE AND HOW MANY PLAYS HAVE BEEN PERFORMED IN AUGUST RESPECTABLE THEATERS IN NEW YORK CITY BY DRUNK ACTORS IS THIS A PROPER SCHOOL OF ACTING? DRUNK ACTING? GUYS, I’M WASTED AND HERE I AM ON THE INTERNET, HOLDING MY fIREHOSE I’M THE CLEVERSEST PERSIMMON IN THE BUCKET AND THE BUCKET IS [...]

welcome!

If you arrived at this web-page by googling “what is heterosexual food?“, I’d just like to say: Welcome! Stick around! “Click around”! I hope you enjoy my home-page! And perhaps find the answer to your question. Kind regards, ———”Quilty” I LOVE ROSIE SWASH mostly because her name sounds like a Martin Amis character’s name. She [...]

Prop K and Panthole

Major panthole appeared weeks ago in critical sector of second starter in the jeans rotation. Have ignored it for some time, but original hope of pant platelets coming to the rescue is rapidly fading.  In other news, I had a conversation with TK about Prop K. Am I a bad liberal for being opposed to [...]