lo-carb cheez-cake

I think you should be a LITTLE MORE FAMOUS before you eat that.
ok
now?
I don’t think you’re QUITE famous enough to eat that.
ok.
…
can i eat it now
no. you’re LESS famous than you were when we STARTED this conversation!
oh. shoot! I don’t know what to do!!
go on tv, start a newspaper column, I dunno, don’t ask ME!
it [...]

Cy Preclops

—I haven’t had a drink since Saturday.
—It’s Wednesday.
—I know
—You sound like an alcoholic.
—I know. It still feels good not to drink. I’m going to keep going with it.
—Good! That’s good.
—Every time I make a proclamation like this I immediately undermine myself, but I sort of want to become totally straight-edge: no booze, no drugs, no [...]

Sensacao Do Principio

Let’s say you snort a line’ve old fashioned mescaline off the ass of PK Dick; the euphoria is immediately transportable to an oozing discotheque shimmering in the glitter of C-Beams. Watch as Precog’s bubble & melt. Who needs them anyway? It’s the 21st Century, so no smoking! Besides, everyone’s telling their cigarettes to shut up [...]

Woke up at 5:30 a.m. for no reason. Fourth consecutive night of sub-sub-optimal sleep. Wearing the moist turban of work-panic and poor self-care. Walking through the dark this morning, I encountered the phrase PANIC AT THE 1970s GRILL. Doesn’t mean anything. Means I’m stressed and don’t feel entitled to the self-pity I half-feel. Sam Lipsyte’s [...]

Permanent Teardrop.

Hey Cancer
How’s “the darkness
Fine
Not as dark as you make it sound
Black beans and codfish
Shapeshifter rsvp’d.
Self-Zine?
Got fired Friday, can’t make it
Dog wearing lipstick?
Dunno,  she’s in heat, maybe spayed,  upset
really?
aye
listen
Fear-monger
canceled too. it’s just gonna be me you and self-zine
shapeshifter
And li’l caesar
The pizza guy

used to work for Men’s Wearhouse.
Hey whoww ofenn does your zine come out?
—Every other fortnight
does [...]

Wacky Mode

“We have wacky mode,” Powell remembers Barthelme saying to his class, a writing workshop Powell was taking. “What must wacky mode do?” The students, clueless, stayed quiet. Barthelme said, “Break their hearts.”
Dan Halpern on Padgett Powell in the NYT

PETRA: My cousin is in that band.
SASCHA: “Wow.” I’m “impressed.”
P: I’m adrift, I’m entirely adrift.
S: You’re twenty to thirty pounds overweight. Other than that—you’re fine. [A pause.] I forgot what I was going to say.
P: I wish we’d never met.
S: We’ve never met. I’m a stranger. Hallo! Who the devil are you!
P: Stop playing around.
S: [...]

Eyeball Soup

There is a bowl of chili here.
Steam rises from its beans and meatflecks. It billows politely around a dollop of cold sour cream.
As you gaze into the stew, my face—the face of a young, obese Steven Spielberg, “replete” with undirty baseball cap and full Jewish hair fanning out from beneath the cap’s circumference—appears to you [...]

INTERNET SHITWIZARD
STRESSED-OUT CHANGELING TRACTOR REDACTO TRAIN
FOR $40 AND A MUFFIN I’LL SEND YOU THE DECODER RING FOR THIS POST
I’D BOOK HOMEBOY SANDMAN AT MY BAR DISCO-VAH IN A HOT SECOND
THE SHAME OF THE MOTHRA-CALENDAR CANNOT BE DECODED
LAST NIGHT’S DREAM: WAS HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE, AND THEY TURNED INTO HILLARY CLINTON AT THE END. ***NOT KIDDING***!!! [...]

too busy to fail

been really burning the candle around the middle, both ends
no time for bloggin
female SFPD officer at Ritual Coffee reads the front section of the Chronicle in the late afternoon, seems peaceful
selected a pimento from the pail
bought a leaf from a tree
manouvered them so it seemed like  the pimento and the leaf were ‘doing it’
bought a [...]