BITCHY LITTLE TUB OF MOISTURIZING CREAM: I went to college! [No one says anything. They studiously ignore her.] B.L.T.M.C.: I majored in English! I’m a philosopher! I’m hot!!! [Pause] I’m sexy. I’m desirable. I’m great. [Pause] When I had that skiing accident last year, my entire left leg was in a cast. I would lie [...]
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