novelist blah blah blah

TORQUEMADA: Dog
DOUG: Dog
DOG: Doug
DOUG: Dog
TORQUEMADA: [Concerned] Guys?
DOG: Pizza
DOUG: [to DOG] Pizza? Do you wanna pizza? Yes you do! You’re the cutest! Yes you are!
TORQUEMADA: Sheesh. Peace. Ministrations. Memories.
DOG: Seriously, though, pizza
DOUG: Yes you do! [Ministrating] Yes!
DOG: Stereolab
TORQUEMADA: College
DOUG: College; Stereolab. I actually love you guys.
TORQUEMADA: What’s on tap?
DOUG: For tonight?
DOG: Ruff
DOUG: Cuteness! Get over here
TORQUEMADA: Sadness
DOUG: Badness. What’s on tap, though, you’re right
DOG: Let’s repair to tha parkq
[The three begin pantomiming walking as the background scrim rolls from a living room scenario to a park scenario. TORQUEMADA takes out a pack of cigarettes. Removes a cigarette from the pack. Rolls it in his fingers. Brings it up to his face — smells it gently. Lowers his hands. Holds up the cigarette, still unlit, as if it’s smoking and he’s taking a break between drags.]
TORQUEMADA: I did a number of things I wasn’t supposed to in my dreams last night.
DOUG: Like what?
TORQUEMADA: Things I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do. Drugs, people, etc
DOUG: Was it a relief when you woke up and those things were in reality undone?
TORQUEMADA: Yeah, totally, of course. I didn’t even realize fully that I hadn’t in reality done them until just now. When I was holding this cigarette.
[TORQUEMADA makes like he’s gonna put the cigarette in his mouth but then suddenly smooshes it smashes it into his face, rubs it on his face, crushes the fag and rubbbs the tobbacky all over his face. lets the filter fall. DOUG and DOG are IMPASSIVE. TORQUEMADA removes anudder schmoke from the pack. Puts it in his mouf this time. Lights it.]
TORQEMADA: [Puffing luxuriously on his schiggarette] In my dream I was riding on a stairmaster, making love to a sexy teddy bear
DOG: Damn

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