cynical douchebag

DEAD TURTLE: Is the phrase “cynical douchebag” Not Safe For Work?

STORK: [Condescending] I think it’s perfectly acceptable.

OLD-TIMEY HOLLYWOOD FILM DIRECTOR: It’s a gas!

MAN SHAPED LIKE CALIFORNIA: Blanche!! [audience roars its approval]

AN AVG. READER OF THIS BLOG, BESPECTACLED AND FULL OF HOT HATE: I’m a virgin

FAMOUS MODEL: I’m bored

FAMOUS MODEL #2: I’m hungry

FAMOUS ARTIST: I pulled all the styrofoam out of the schools and chopped up a bunch of felt-tipped pens and poured the ink (and cut-up plastic) over the styrofoam mound like rain (and… boulders) down a slick old mountain. [Long, stupid pause.] Gagosian bought it for a mil.

DOCTOR: Quit smoking. Take a nap. Wristguards.

SONIC YOUTH: That was our first album. We were kids.

GRAINY NATIVE-AMERICAN ON YOUTUBE: The wheel spins inside of science. It spins inside of weather.

GAY ACTIVIST: Hey!

FEMINIST SCHOLAR: Unconscionable.

ALLEN GINSBERG: The rasta… skeleton…

RUTH BADER GINSBURG: [takes huge bite of sandwich]

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