Monthly Archives: July 2009

Ben Franklin’s Diary

I love the image of Ben Franklin’s “Diary”:

Kalman also makes a wry admission:

I had heard of the Rubber Band Society from copies a friend sent once of the Komar & Melamid– (and Christian Lorentzen)– (and Emily Votruba)–edited RBS Gazette. It’s unlcear if the society still meets or publishes anything. I’m not getting much work done today.

Against Film Crews

  • Hey Thank You The Rumpus and Stephen Elliott Enterprises For Giving This Webiste Another Vote of Confidence! Welcome, Subsistence Farmers! (??)

    The editorial offices of the Rumpus dot net

    The editorial offices of the Rumpus dot net

  • There was a film crew setting up on Valencia & 20th st this morning, 9:30ish. It provoked immediate resentment, does every time. Not sure why. [Notes: Obese Tom Stoppardesque/Wildean artist/novelist/writer envisions a scene for his masterwork on a busy urban corner. He’s such an outsized person, such an outsized personality, that he takes up as much psychic (if not physical) space as  an entire film crew! Notes.] I walked by a woman and a man, both related to the film shoot in some way, engaged in conversation. They didn’t seem like they knew each other — they were meeting by virtue of their association with the film. (Fuck this film, by the way, again, whatever it is — important documentary, cheese commercial, I don’t care. May the production be cursed forever. Why? Why? I don’t know why. Maybe it’s a public service announcement for literacy. I don’t care.) The only reason I mention this is because I heard the woman —young, potentially attractive to someone who doesn’t loathe her to her tiny dead core for being involved in a film shoot on Valencia—say to the man, the seeming stranger, African-American and wearing sunglasses—”I’ve been called out before for having loud sex.” Why was she telling him this? Is this the way aliens from Cinelandia hit on each other? Her interlocutor seemed to approve. He disagreed with those who had called her out for having loud sex. She had blonde hair, white jeans, and a walkie-talkie. After their conversation ended, I saw him open a cooler filled with soda and Gatorade. May the boom dip into every frame. May the cream cheese spoil prematurely. I saw another man ponderously filling a bowl with fruit salad. Right on Valencia. Unacceptable.

Shopping Cart

  • this is supposed to be a fantastic comp. Also, these guys are awesome (via efd)
  • looking fwd to reading this, once I take this hellraiser mask off. Kevin Killian’s been “killiang” it on the sfmoma blog. funny fotos of r. pettibon
  • what else, whatever, work is bonkers, in “its own way”
  • lunch: brought two sandwiches, one pb&j, one jack cheese and mustard, ate both around 11:04 a.m., still going strong. e.t.c.


fury, blindness, of 19

jealousy, potato 19

grab, selfish 408

grab, food 214-19

grab (grub), money 544

grab, power 112-130

rage, blindess 334

rage, ponytail 188

selfishness, good news made bad via 523-45

hate, seething 108-10

politics, alcoholic 200-221

duty, money’s absolvement of its holder from 400-441

Zeitgeist, bikes and 113-14

Spain, as fortress 12

as pimiento, 13


  • childhood
  • wet leaves
  • pants
  • wet pants
  • shorts
  • short pants
  • van morrison
  • omelets
  • books
  • must
  • musk
  • science
  • math
  • weeping
  • ketchup
  • sugar
  • carob
  • a scalpel
  • stitches
  • fishing
  • fish
  • swimming
  • blankets
  • posters
  • leaves
  • trees
  • clouds
  • spider webs
  • hair
  • brushes
  • combs
  • computers
  • window-pane
  • Sorry!
  • Life
  • Candyland
  • Loderunner
  • Kung-Fu
  • Nintendo
  • seatbelts
  • McDonald’s
  • New York City
  • I was the first child to win a major surfing competition, sorry, just kidding about the whole brief/sudden sincerity cloakedly smoaking in a grotto near this blog post
  • madeline salads
  • I was the first infant to be named a full professor at the University of Delft
  • Jackson Pollock
  • “Vermeer”
  • Willem de Kooning
  • Jasper Johns
  • Robert Rauschenberg
  • tragaperras
  • beef


  • One sheet of blotter acid
  • One bale of 1960s-grade marijuana (far less potent than contemporary hip-hop marijuana, 1960s-grade mj allows one to smoke cheech&chong-size novelty joints and not get so stoned. contemporary marijuana you take one half of one puff and it is the equivalent of smoking the all-marijuana car from Up in Smoke)
  • One “handle” of Bullet Bourbon
  • Going blind increases the danger of misspelling words; also the danger of breaking your ankle by stepping in a sinkhole. Also increases the chances of stepping on a minuature horse’s neck, by accident, killing it. Whoops I accidentally sat on the sherds of crushed Showgirls DVDs. Have you seen that film Sugary Coffee? It’s about a guy who goes blind and then takes acid and then meets the film actress Emily Watson. She falls in love with the guy, they sleep together, then he has a second career as a film actor, then at the end it turns out that you’ve been watching a “bio-pic” about the “real” guy who comes out at the end and is much, much fatter than the actor who’s been playing him
  • Sausage (vegan)
  • A piece of metal I found in a parking lot
  • A authentic roman coin, “coin of the land”,  whatever
  • ramps
  • rocket
  • aioli
  • ciabbati
  • pickled onions
  • fresh ingredients

  • pumice-salts
  • “womanly flavours”
  • beets, steemed (sic)
  • tooth-corn
  • me-peas
  • daikon funk
  • blind melon
  • rind of lemon
  • spfmoni, the italian ice-dream
  • rice-dream
  • kim chee! so yummy!!!
  • tom kha
  • tom gay
  • tom guy
  • peace

new “LAB O” movie!!

FRITZ “THE SCIENTIST” O. AUSTRONAUTE: What is this, a Spinal Cone?

HIS ASSISTANT: A spinal comb, I believe, sir.

FRITZ: Neat! Bag it.

ASST: Yes. Very good. “I’m on it.”

F: Lemme see those spinal cones you bagged earlier.

A: Earlier, sir?

F: The ones I mentioned.

A: I don’t recall your…

F: You cunty little rodent! I’ll fucking strangle you! You’re worthless!!! [FRITZ strangles his ASSISTANT. The ASST makes choking/gurgling noises, and eventually expires. FRITZ lets him fall to the ground. He stands over his former ASSISTANT, heaving]

F: [cont] I’ve… I’ve just… murdered… my assistant!

[a big black cartoon bird carrying a huge roll of cartoon parchment flaps into the frame, blocking pretty much anything. With a wet cartoon farting noise the bird opens his beak and drops the roll and it unfurls and awesome crunching riffin theme music starts and the credits roll:




















[The parchment lights on fire and burns away, revealing FRITZ still standing there, still panting. He hasn’t moved. The asst. still lies dead before him. The hearth crackles. There’s a raven on a little perch. It’s a fake Disney Allen Poe raven. Shut up.]

FRITZ: I must… I have to… I’m not…. Whatever….

[a groovy little dude busts in and totally creams FRITZ with a waterballoon. I actually don’t care, do you? I mean Right? Who cares? Laters]


I try REALLY HARD (sometimes) not to be cynical, but this jpeg makes me feel like a greasy saucebox of fake-angry nonsense

I try REALLY HARD (sometimes) not to be cynical, but this jpeg makes me feel like a greasy saucebox of fake-angry nonsense