TED BILLIONS: I know you’re burned out, Leland. Hang in there
LELAND: Fuck this. Fuck you.
TED: You are a very privileged person. You’re looking a gift horse in the mouf
LELAND: And you’re looking a gift horse in its butt. Parry! Thrust!
TED: I’m wounded. You’ll pay for this
LELAND: What part of me gives you the sense that I care???
TED: I don’t know… maybe your huge, distended gut? You giant bellymaster, I hope you die
LELAND: Easy for you to say, Mr. “Dying from a fencing-sword’s puncture”
TED: I’ve read more Shakespeare than you. If you quit, you’ll eat yourself to death in a beautifully restored farmhouse in the catskills
LELAND: More like I’ll be kidnapped and murdered on a night-bus in Mexico. Same difference
TED: You’ll overdose in Lima, you shitter
LELAND: I’ll start a PR Firm in Brooklyn. I’ll sell coffee in Valencia, Spain
TED: You’re illiterate. You’re a mathlete in the Special Olympics. You’re terminal
LELAND: I’m a steampunk. I’m an old-school industrialist. I’m a porcine feminist guy
TED: You’ll suffer till you’re glad again. Your self-control is an empty cupcake. All bosses are shitty. All employees are shiftless. You’re punk in the pejorative sense of the word
LELAND: I’m a nonalcoholic vegan pot cookie. I’m a San Francisco tweet
TED: Your friends are friends because they want something from you. And that something is money and sex. Minus the sex. You’re superlatively unappealing
LELAND: I am God’s parasail. I’ll die in the lobby of top-tier MFA program. I’m a toothless dental dam. [Shit.] I’m a fucking language cube. It’s Over!