Doc + Meatyard

LITTLE CRAZY KID LOOKS LIKE HE’S OUT OF A MEATYARD: Ah feel crazy ah don’t know what’s wrong!!!

DOCTOR: Are you ashamed of the silence?

LI’L MEATYARD: [Referring to how much he’s paying the doctor per hour] Well, hell, it sure is expensive silence

DOCTOR: But silence is good, Li’l Meatyard. “Silence is golden,” right?

LI’L MEATYARD: That’s what makes it so ‘spensive! Cos it’s made outta gold! Anyhow, listen to this: I almost passed out tonight

DOCTOR: Drugs?

LI’L MEATS: Nope! I was all overheated from runnin up the hill wearing my coat even though the weather’d turned warm–man these carrots taste healthy and good — and I rushed inside to pee and farted while I was peeing and then the next thing I know I’m leanin against the wall dizzy as a beaver feelin the nightmare head-rush “uh-oh” feeling more powerful than memory!

DOCTOR: Damn. Maybe you should take it easy tonight.

KID: Maybe I should!

DOCTOR: Like, instead of the beefy Bloody Mary and the Savory Marijuana Frittata you’d planned, you might just…

DOCTOR and KID [in unison]: Eat an onion like it was an apple? [They are both astonished at the synchrony.]

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One thought on “Doc + Meatyard

  1. mcMüller

    This thoroughly enjoyable passage in A.A. Milne’s “Winnie-the-Pooh” reminded me of your blog and Nick Hornby.

    Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Friday, Winnie-the-Pooh lived in a forest all by himself under the name of Sanders.

    (“What does ‘under the name’ mean?” asked Christopher Robin.

    “It means he had the name over the door in gold letters, and lived under it.”

    “Winnie-the-Pooh wasn’t quite sure,” said Christopher Robin.

    “Now I am,” said a growly voice.

    “Then I will go on,” said I.)

    One day when he was out walking, he came to an open place in the middle of the forest, and in the middle of this place was a large oak-tree, and, from the top of the tree, there came a loud buzzing noise.

    Winnie-the-Pooh sat down at the foot of the tree, put his head between his paws and began to think.

    First of all he said to himself: “That buzzing noise means something. You don’t get a buzzing noise like that, just buzzing and buzzing, without it meaning something. If there’s a buzzing noise, somebody’s making a buzzing noise, and the only reason for making a buzzing noise that I know of is because you’re a bee.”

    Then he thought another long time, and said: “And the only reason for being a bee that I know of is making honey.”

    And then he got up and said: “And the only reason for making honey is so as I can eat it. So he began to climb the tree….

    Reply

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