FAMOUS SHITHEAD (NYC): Hey
BLIND RABBIT STRANDED @ PDX: Hi
FS: Check out the cover of Artforum
FS: Contemporary art like this gets made so that hot lovers can hang out inside of it and feel intelligent. Then they trot off somewhere and do it.
PDX: Really??? Sex?
PDX: Are those hot lovers on the cover?
FS: Yeah. One of them is Danish, the other one is American
PDX: Wait, you know them?
FS: My college roommate took the photo. He’s beside himself that it’s on the cover of Artforum. He’s playing it cool, though
PDX: I’m stuck at the Portland airport.
PDX: How should I know? The pilot ate too many Chili Cheese Fritos, won’t get off the can.
PDX: No. I’m joking.
FS: I liked you better when you were painfully self-conscious and never said anything
PDX: Me too
[They make love.]
[Wait, I thought one of them was in Oregon while the other is in NYC?]
[So how do they…]
[I’m not sure. Maybe they are in the same room after all.]
FS: I feel like a big slice of garbage cake
PDX: You feel like you are one? Or you feel like having one?
FS: Both, dog. [pause] have you seen druggie moses
PDX: i heard he died… in the video game he was playing
FS: ahh phew i thought you meant died in real life
PDX: no, no, he’s still alive in real life
FS: thank god, i love druggie moses
PDX: so do i. he’s a nice guy. real nice guy. makes an amazing field roast
PDX: say, i thought you were going to liveblog your CSA box
FS: i was, but then i opened it
FS: no, just not… inspired to write about it on the internet
PDX: what was in it?
FS: some fucking vegetables.
PDX: I see.
FS: do you want to write on the internet some fake-fantasies about quitting your job and studying language and literature in a university setting in a place where it snows for the rest of your life?
FS: you’re not really cut out for academia, though, so don’t actually do it. just ‘blog’ about it
FS: also can you start wearing really form-fitting clothes all the time?
FS: I hope nobody reads this.
PDX: don’t worry, they won’t
FS: how do you know?
PDX: today’s a big news day, they’ll be distracted, “Pope’s Portugal Trip a Bid to Move Beyond Scandal
PDX: people are going to think we’re gchatting, but we’re not
FS: I know. how do we communicate that all this is happening while i’m sitting in your lap, spooning cottage cheese with balsamic vinegar into your mouth?
PDX: maybe if there is a video, or pictures? more ‘new york observer’
PDX: more “frites” on the LES
PDX: more belgian tacos
PDX: ‘stuff white people like’
FS: i know
PDX: ‘stuff latinos like’
PDX: ‘stuff i’ve been reading’
FS: ha. ok
PDX: ‘stuff that tastes good after you’ve been surfing’
FS: i know.
PDX: ‘stuff me into your mom’s stocking (above the mantle, first movement)’
FS: you lost me
PDX: I hope i stay that way
FS: let’s dance
PDX: I hate the way you use the internet
FS: What, you mean ‘mozilla firefox’?
PDX: i’m actually on chrome now
FS: all part of your major google push, huh?
PDX: there’s no google push
FS: first you’re all google readered out, now chrome?
PDX: that’d be funny to do a remake of The Reader, but call it The Google Reader, and it would be about…
FS: the internet?
PDX: yeah, and, like, the news cycle?
FS: Broadcast News meets Annie
PDX: Against Nature meets Arthur magazine
FS: Erewhon meets Waterworld
PDX: [rueful chucklin, picks up a remote control and starts a previously frozen video that shows a woman masturbating with a snorkel. FS opens a laptop and reads this tremendous collection of ‘blog gifts’]
FS: [munches thoughtfully on some machine-shelled pistachios]
PDX: remember when I ate a hot pocket in the shower to stop you from crying
FS: yeah. i hate remembering myself that way, laughing through the tears despite myself
PDX: was that the night of the Nightmares on Wax concert?
FS: classic. stoned volvo. 405 South. there was a period where I was buying bananas every day
PDX: sweet man, talk it through. talk soon, ok? i’m gonna shop my soulcraft a bit, then back to biz. xox
FS: fuck, kay cool, lovies
PDX: munchkin corpse, big love
FS: ok you too
PDX: smack those lips to taste it
FS: I know I know