Monthly Archives: June 2010

Paparazzo: Episode Seven

Announcing Episode Seven of Paparazzo, a radio show about culture broadcasting from Paris, France.

When I listen back to this episode of Paparazzo, one of the first thoughts that occurs to me is, I hate myself

Totally forgot to offer an “on-air” shout-out to Codex Machine’s “S.P.Y.” (via Liz B’s spot on the Free Music Archive)

Peace! 😉

[Listen to Episodes One, Two, Three Four, Five, and/or Six .]

Is there a lesser-known passage to India I can use?

Kissy kissy. Come snuggle in the mouth of the beast.

J-M Basquiat portrait of K. Haring via Kathy Grayson’s post-MySpace, post-Deitch experience

an affirmative giggle in the face of anyone who doubted the author’s talent for humorous non-fiction.

Why on Earth did I smoke that magic cigarette last night? Today is a wash. this morning they asked me to play music on the speakers and I impulse-bought this on iTunes. I don’t regret it.

The reading tonight (Eugene Marten and Susan Froderberg) [wed. june 16, 2010] will be held upstairs at the Russian Samovar (256 West 52nd street between 7th and 8th ave).

“seemingly” endless apologies radiating out in all directions and reaching no-one

Tips From The Kitchen

If you love salad bars, but you live in a region that has none (SF’s Mission District, for example), making your own “salad bar” at home is easy! Just go to a store–lots of naughty li’l hotties such as yourself prefer Trader Joe’s, but you can also try Safeway, Mollie Stone’s, or even a health-food store! Purchase the ingredients you remember from the salad bars of your youth — sunflower seeds, garbanzo beans, kidney beans, et al. Be sure, for authenticity’s sake, to also purchase the salad-bar ingredients you always avoided — raisins, shredded carrots, goldfish crackers?!. These will be “set out” in your home salad bar and avoided, just like old times. You will need to order black plastic scoopers from the Internet. Build a Sneeze Guard from the windshields of old remote-controlled cars or motorcycles.

Be sure too to buy and prepare experimental and adventurous items you’d never find in a commercial salad bar — this is the chief advantage of the home salad bar! You make the rules! (The government has no business in your kitchen!) Some ideas to get you started are  “angel’s dust,” vodka pellets, caramelized marijuana, heroin-teriyaki sauce, “Goddess” dressing, ninja stars, DVDs, Aztec zappers, mini-salsa-masks, Coffee Bones (small), sex tales, dove bar nibblets, assorted nibblettes, chunkstones, “gravel,” peat, clumps of moist Darjeeling, Cocoa Puffs, Kix, Tab, marzipan shooters, blood. Still thinking? Try filling a small ramekin with “Sheila Tequila,” and lining the exterior with various home-boddyz, Look Homeward, Angels, Sacagawea dollars, mouthguards, Priuses, i’m out


hey! looking for Awesome Show, Great Job!? Click here

thanks charl@VILLE for alerting me to my new perm. vacation:

and relatedly how could i’ve missed this acrylics video until now [PUNCTUATION NEEDED]

another digitally screwed unstoned turn: i mean no stone left unturned, was this guy, used to be now is I’m sure I’m getting that wrong but it’s about the most intentionally baffling thing, best thing, I’m sure there are links (IN THE CHAIN) i’m missing, an encrusted reference-necklace I don’t have enough lycheerupees to buy, but i need to clean the kitchen, I’m ruining my saturday night–

I’ve never been to Mexico. I might go soon! Please Let me know if you have any recommendations.

1. woke up and went to  the bathroom
this is an simple process of just standing near water and liquids fly from your genitals. simple remedies are aboundant .

2. went to the bathroom over and over again
it’s normal to pee and shit fifty or fifty-five times a morning. put rosemary in your potatoes to aid digestion. diahhrehea is not a disease, nor even a nuisance.  there is social stigman attached,  be sure to “remove-it”

3. comedy flavor
lots of ivy league grads go into comedy instead of finance, literature, or etc
-=- if something bad happens, make a joke out of it
-=- if you make a mistake, play it off like a joke

4. shave that shame off of your face with a RAZOR BLADE
It’s the green-tea enema of your generation

5. hardcore punk from the bakersfield, ca area
talk about cognitive dissonance! Dude, If anyone makes you feel bad about your breath, or your gas problem, just look them in the eye and listen. if you r eyes well up and  cry , ok. give them a gift next time you see them — check out this new anthology of “swinging swahili rhumba” from the 80s, maybe they would like that…

6. all your friends are drunk or on acid in new york city, making observations
are you kidding me? youth culture was invented to make money. it’s easy to drink beer and maintain a ripplin’ six-pack. it’s like the old jazzman who doesn’t practice anymore, because his gigs are his rehearsals: sleep yourself fitter

Erotic Sex Blog

This is a pretty sexy blog. Isn’t it calm for a sex blog, though? Isn’t sex all about tension and explosion? How can this be a sex blog if everyone is so at peace with themselves? Where’s the bit lower lip? The squeezed knees? I don’t hear moaning. Don’t worry. It’ll come. We’re in a lull. This is how sex blogs are sometimes.

I’m going to smoke a few of my teeth tonight. Bought a special tooth bong from Safeway. Special tooth bongwater from the health-food store. Famous kids told me they’d kick my ass if they ever found out I posted late-night free-writing flash fiction on the internet, but they live like 3,000 miles away — what are they gonna do? Diss me in the comments section? Worst-case scenario my personality calcifies and I sleep in a bed with bedbugs for the rest of my life. Worst-case scenario I find out my bicycle is sentient and it—what? It rapes me? It sues me? What’s my bike going to do? Or the famous MFAs? I’m as vulnerable as the next guy, but you have to be vulnerable to maintain a popular sex blog. Are porn stars vulnerable? Are the most tender lovers? Yeah! They are! [footnote 1]

You’ve sent your letters, your emails; everyone texted their votes to 4475 and the results are in. You wanted a sex blog. You thought the internet needed more erotica. You’ve spoken, and now you’re getting your wish. The story of the hot grammarians!

There are two of them. They’re both busty women in tank tops. Just kidding

The Perfect Salad

the perfect life

notes on a salad


home made

I’m just kidding •

the lowercased personal pronoun i •

bell hooks, the real person •

if i hope to make money off my online web-diary, which I do, I’d better start occluding my alcoholism better

Just kidding. “Pain sells.” So do cartoons

Don’t ever make plans verbally — it’s important to send a written communication. That way there’s a paper trail — even if that paper is electronic

You don’t have to read every sentence in the novel. Or: you don’t have to read every sentence carefully. Some of the sentences are dead-wooden conveyances to the living, juicy sentences. Just plough through, dog. It’s way better skidding blindly across a few panels and reaching the end then it is to read the first third really carefully and never finish.

This novel is about the thirty carp in a tank in my home. Each one has her own story. We’ll start with Bram, my first carp. The last carp in the book’s named Penny.


Oh, shitty carp. My stomach sang like a cell phone.


Forget the other carp. I hope you fall asleep soon.

Thanks for visiting the blog again. I hope you don’t catch all the bad twee viruses here. Your computer probably has good virus protection software. I seriously think you’ll be fine.

The Jewish Festival of Sukkot

JAPONICA SMYTH: Let’s walk down 20th Street.

DRESS SHIRT: Can’t. That takes us right by Pete’s.

JS: So?

DS: I’m an olfactory vegan.

JS: ??

DS: I can’t smell meat cooking.

JS: Is that a… dietary restriction?

DS: I don’t know. Are the scents one consumes a part of one’s diet?

JS: I don’t know.

[They watch a short film about the Jewish festival of Sukkot. DS freezes the screen on an image of a beautiful young Jewish woman gathering a bough from a hadar tree.]