Category Archives: dirty palm trees

My College Radio Application

Dear mom and dad,

I went to college from 1999-2003, where I lived, ate, breathed, and smoked college radio (WOBC-FM) all day every day. Then, with a year left, I dropped out to move to CA to work for a magazine. I worked there for the next eight years. Then I fell in love with a beautiful woman and she got a job in town, so I decided to follow her here and finish my B.A. To my intense delight and surprise, this makes me eligible for a show on [yr station]. When I dropped out of college, I cryogenically froze my radio show and now, eight years later, [cue music bed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_tVZFZ5PR4] my beloved show is going into the industrial microwave on MEDIUM for 6-8 minutes and dragging itself through the halls of the academy once again!

My show (TITLE TK: “WEIRD OLD GUY?”) will be freeform radio at its finest, pushing into the red w/r/t innovation and FUN. Fun must never be sacrificed to innovation. And vice versa.

Music is the bedrock of the show, and I plan to make the most of [yr station]’s rock library, in addition to my extensive personal vinyl/CD/MPEG collection. The best rock — from oddities, novelties, classics, forgotten b-sides, to brand-new singles and previews of bands coming through town. But sprinkled throughout the music will be the true jewels of the show, the multiple talk-based segments. Possibilities include:

• “Walking the Line”
Each week, a different writer (from creative writing profs, to visiting poets, to MU poetry/fiction PhDs and even undergrads) brings in one line — a line of their own poetry, or their favorite poet’s, or a sentence from a novel, or from a piece of journalism, anything — just has to be one line of “literature” for us to discuss.

(Each of these segments will have its own musical intro. Maybe Grandmaster Flash’s “White Lines” for this first one? Or Johnny Cash, sure)

• “Comics Digest”

A weekly verbal recap of what happened this week in the comics page of the Missourian

ex: “It’s been a tough week for Lois of ‘Hi & Lois’; she’s been home with the measles and her little brother won’t leave her alone!” etc etc

• “Vibin’ with the City Council”

Each week I get a Columbia city councilperson on the phone (pre-recorded, most likely; I have a ZOOM H4N I can produce several of these segs in advance, but I’ll always cue and introduce them live) and ask: what’s the vibe of the city council like this week?

• deranged/brief Self-interviews; fake interviews with pre-recorded interlocutors

• I might try a recurring feature about being a 30 year old dude taking computer science with freshman; I will probably rip lots of samples from my DVD of Rodney Dangerfield’s Back to School for this (maybe rent Happy Madison, too…). Find other old undergrads and ask them about their lives, what it’s like here for them

• I have an MU football-related idea that I’ll only tell you if you give me a show with a legit timeslot

• Reviews (with field recordings) of frat party bands (!!!!!)

• as many opportunities for live call-in segments as possible (TBD)

• Guest singles (a guest — anyone from the dean of grad studies to that girl who works at Sparky’s brings in 5 singles and we play them and talk about them)

• tiny, hilarious 5-minute radio dramas

• even tinier, even more hilarious 2-minute radio dramas in foreign languages feat. students in various MU language departments

• Much, much more

• Seriously, so much more you have no idea

• And, as I mentioned above, all of these segs, some of which may happen every week, some once a month or so, will all be sprinkled like cherries and chopped nuts over the wide swath of whipped-creamy dark-chocolate sets of top-shelf weird/funky/great music. Wire, the Fall, Olivia Tremor Control, Pixies b-sides, Unrest, Big Dipper, Deerhoof, Beefheart, Squeeze, Elvis Costello, Sonic Youth, Truman the Tiger’s Drug-Hell Singers, Is That a Real Band?, That Would Be Amazing If So, Go Betweens, Soft Boys, Soft Machine, Soft Cell, Soft Bulletin, Don Cherry, Destroyer, Cluster, Tyvek, Essential Logic, Glasser, Wreckless Eric, Nick Lowe, Sparks, Magazine, Melvins, Cardigans, Acrylics, Pterodactl, Fela Kuti, R. Stevie Moore, et al!!!!

Please let me know if you have any questions. I love you.

Shellfishness

This blog has lately become yet another “Chris Ying is ineffably awesome forever” blog, which is fine by me. (He’s written a few guest posts, after all!)

At any rate, old Plebescite‘s got a brilliant piece in the new issue of Meatpaper, on “why we watch men eating meat”:

If the complaint about porn is that women are treated like meat, then the problem with UM/UM [unattractive men/unattractive meat] television is that meat is treated like meat.

The essay is funny and smart, Wallacean in a good way. I also love this pre-blogged chart, which the Plebiscite probably designed himself:

Anyway, worth a  look.

(I wonder too what old CTY makes of this oldish Harper’s piece on “The Food Network at the frontiers of pornography”?)

##########################################

I was camping in the Sierras this weekend with a Crude Futurist who told a story (can’t remember the provenance) of a Brooklyn-raised African American man  talking about his experience of Election Night 2008 in Fort Greene: [I’m paraphrasing] All the white people who moved to this neighborhood showed for the first time that they actually cared about something other than food.

(no violence meant here to Meatpaper or Plebiscite. I’m just laterally riffing. I care about food, too, and think it’s important. But the quote from the Ft. Greener still struck me as a tidy damnation of my entire existence. Literature is just as pointless as food, art, the rest. Sex, death, drugs, commerce, Internet, everything else. It’s important to care about something other than food, but it’s also possible to study and write about food without wasting your time. Same goes for noun declensions of dead languages, and the craft of sock puppetry.  It’s interesting, actually, maybe, how “POLITICS” can make any/every-thing else seem pointless by comparison. And there’s of course a difference between the mindless chichi consumption (of consumption) going on in Ft. Greene vs. the relatively political analysis of food, “food politics,” etc, going on in, say, Meatpaper. I’m not trying to imply that dude was damning hilarious smart articles about Food TV — I don’t think he was — he was damning people who move to your neighborhood and are food-obsessed yuppies. These are separate issues that got connected through my free-associative bloggy style. I love you guys. Chris hey help me for I have written myself into a lazy corner and I can’t get out and I am going to post this before I delete it.

Notes!!!

  • apolitical art
  • political art
  • is there any sort of sense that one is “better” or “worse” than the other
  • “food politics”
  • Pollan v. Wallace
  • Reichl v. Ying
  • the imperative for people to be engaged in the communities they live in
  • the importance of cynicism
  • the destructiveness of getting stuck in a cynical mode
  • yuppies/gentrification/blinkered existences amid “suffering”
  • accidental yet inexusable condescension
  • desire (sex, food)
  • etc (drugs, babies)
  • discipline (martial arts, Yaddo)
  • knowledge (the library of congress, obama’s e-mail newsletters)
  • selflessness, generosity (dude)
  • community service with and without condescension
  • gluttony, selfishness
  • shellfishness, spumoniïsm

The New Dark Ages

  1. Very important: vote for NUMBER 6

  2. (via Rooooooooooos)
  3. This is a fun, flirty, quasi-Bassistian interview with Friar Br. Styxxxxxx. Someone needs to make Br. Bxx some “new websites” ASAP. And I’m NOT talking about “this kinda website”
  4. Last night I watched ep. 1-2 of Twin Peaks for the FIRST TIME. I smoked a tiny amount of marijuana, and it made me a tiny amount of stoned. Tiny paranoia, followed by the requisite tiny amount of insomnia. I shared a cab home with Wholefoodzzzzz. After he got out, I spoke with the cab driver, who lived two blocks away from me and he decided then and there that I would be his last fare of the night. He said he was looking forward to drinking a glass of wine, smoking a little doobie, and watching TV. I recommended Twin Peaks to him, and had trouble explaining what it was. In turn, he made a strong case for Showtime’s Weeds. He also reported that he was surprised by how much he loved The 40-Year-Old Virgin. He speculated that it may be the funniest movie of all time.When I got home I looked at Ben Jones’s New Painting and Drawing (its day-glo surfaces slide back like secret motorized panels to reveal a suprising depth) (maybe I was more than a little stoned?) followed by Umberto Eco’s “Toward a New Middle Ages,” in On Signs (Marshall Blonsky, ed.).dsc00317

    New Painting and Drawing contains a very trace amount of text; there’s an epigraph from Polvo’s “Every Holy Shroud”, which includes the line “celebrate the new dark age with us.”

    There’s a note at the end of the book that also refers to a new dark age; Jones’s recent show at Deitch Projects has the same title. Then I remembered that Eco essay. Then I fell asleep.

  5. Last night at least 4-5 people made variations of the “womp-wommmp” sound that you make to simulate a deflationary trumpet sound effect when something deflationary happens. I’d like to make that sound now, on this web page. Couldn’t find it on you tube. womp wommmmpp

Dirtbikin’ Through the Times

two quotations from the nyt:

White excitedly showed sketches for his contribution to Meatpaper magazine’s party at Camino the following night: a pig’s head stuffed with a terrine of tongues. (“Blah Blah Beats the Nodes Out of the Snot-Rags,” p. A57)

In effect, anybody with money can circumvent the Legislature by putting something to a statewide plebiscite, something that has happened 71 times in the last decade, according to Mark Baldassare, the head of the Public Policy Institute of California, a nonpartisan research firm. (“Headline’s Mouthterpiece Theaterbones Makes Goodly One More Time,” headline page C16)

If you guessed why every article in the Sunday Times reminds me of my colleague “Plebiscite“, you;ve guessed correctly! what

I have a cold and cannot think straight. I just made a funky, “downtown” variation on this soup, it’s healing me I hope.

I cannot complain

************* [deeper inside the cavity]

Many more odes on this theme [of motorcycles] would follow, and they have been derided by some (the Language poet Ron Silliman has called Seidel a “rich boy formalist… principally known as a collector of expensive motorcycles”), but in his enthusiasm for these machines, Seidel is making good on Rimbaud’s dictum: “We must be absolutely modern.” Curiously, the more Seidel writes about Ducatis the more French he sounds. (Christian Lorentzen on F. Seidel in The National)

Rimbaud’s dictum made me think: Dumbo’s rectum? Dumbeaux’s rictum? Dalrymple’s dimpled cloud, reflected in a rictus? His poutered victim?—– What????

(via “the inimitable Justin Taylor” (quotation marks mine))

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Prop K and Panthole

Major panthole appeared weeks ago in critical sector of second starter in the jeans rotation. Have ignored it for some time, but original hope of pant platelets coming to the rescue is rapidly fading. 

In other news, I had a conversation with TK about Prop K. Am I a bad liberal for being opposed to it? I’m all for legalizing/regulating prostitution for the health and safety of the Ps, but is stripping law enforcement of their power really the solution? What gets me is the sex trafficking angle. The whole things seems ill-conceived in the same way as—but potentially more harmful than—the bevvy of measures on each ballot that read something like, “Shall it be city policy that if it’s yellow, we should let it mellow Alcatraz should be converted into a cookie farm?” 

See you in four months, I regret this post,

Chris