Tag Archives: POLISH JOKES

Jadwiga’s Friends

FEELING KINDA MISANTHROAPEY TODAY

TONY COULTER FILLING IN ON WFMU GIVES ME A KIND OF BASIC REASSURANCE THAT SOME STUFF IS COOL, EVERYTHING’S COOL, O.K. [!!]

“STUNG BY THE W.A.S.P.” BY MARK MARKHAM

ETC

SO PERHAPS YOU’LL JUST LEAVE OLD QUILTY ALONE FOR A SEC

COMMENTS DISABLED

INSIDE JOKE LET OUT INTO THE WORLD FOR THE FIRST TIME

LIKE A HOUSECAT ESCAPED AND SUDDENLY REGRETTING THE DECISION

“WHERE THE FOCK AM I GONNA FIND SOME WHISKAS OUT HERE IN BOYSTOWN, CHICAGO? I AM FUCKED!!!!”

BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN, KITTY MAKES A NEW FRIEND

THE DUMPSTA

2 B CONTINUED……

disco99

I FEEL ALL OF A SUDDEN

I’M ALL OF A SUDDEN TODAY

SHE’S ALL OF A SUDDEN

I’M A-SUDDEN

SPILLED THAT HONEYPOT, NOW I’M ALL SUDDENSY

SUDDENY

“SUDDENLY”

MAN IN POLISH ACCENT: I THINK YOU ARE SPECIAL

WOMAN W/ SEXY AMERICAN (B. 1982) ACCENT: YOU THINK I’M SPATIAL?

POLISH MAN: SPECIAL, SPECIAL

WOMAN: I LIKE THAT. I’M “SPATIAL”. THAT’S COOL. WALENTY, SOMETIMES YOU SAY REALLY PROFOUND THINGS, EVEN THOUGH I THINK IT’S JUST YOUR BAD ENGLISH THAT MAKES THEM PROFOUND. YOU’RE LIKE AN OLD PERSON FROM DUPLEX PLANET, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING OLD, YOU’RE POLISH.

2 B CONTINUED….

polish-cinema

LITTLE BOY: I THINK OF ADDERALL AS A DATE-RAPE DRUG

TEACHER: SZYMON, GO WAIT OUTSIDE FOR THE REST OF THE CLASS PERIOD. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR DISRUPTIONS.

SZYMON: AH, FUCK THIS, WITH PLEASURE [GATHERS TRAPPER KEEPER AND PENCIL CASE AND SINGLE SHEET OF 8.5X11 PAPER COVERED IN FRACTIONS AND CY TWOMBLIAN SCRIBBLE  AND GOES INTO THE HALL]

SZYMON, ALONE IN HALLWAY:

MY BRAIN IS A ROWDY JUMBLE OF SHIT I SAW ON TV
AND THERE I AM IN THE CLASSROOM, AND THE TEACHER IS TALKING ABOUT “LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR,” AND ALL I CAN THINK IS “OH MY GOD YOU INSUFFERABLE BITCH, FUCKING DIE, DIE”
AND THEN I THINK “MAYBE I HAVE A.D.D., MAYBE I’M LIKE JOZEF, MAYBE I’M A FUCKUP”
BUT THEN I THINK, NO, SZYMON, YOU ARE DIFFERENT THAN JOZEF, YOU ARE STRONG. YOUR BRAIN IS A TV-JUMBLE BUT THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A FOOL. YOU CAN USE THE JUMBLE LIKE CHRISTOPHER LLOYD USED TRASH AT THE CONCLUSION OF BACK TO THE FUTURE — TO POWER THE FLYING DELOREAN. TAKE THIS TV TRASH IN YOUR MIND AND LET IT FUEL YOUR BREAKNECK JOURNEY INTO YOUR BRIGHT-ASS FUTURE!
I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL EVERYONE IN SCHOOL BECOMES MONOMANIACALLY OBSESSED WITH DRUGS!
WE’RE GOING TO GET SO HIGH!!!

[CHILDREN BEGIN POURING INTO THE HALLWAY. CLASS IS OVER. ALL-CAPS IS EXHAUSTING TO READ. EASY ENOUGH TO TYPE, THOUGH… THE TEACHER COMES OUT AFTER THE CHILDREN.]

TEACHER: Goodbye, Brygid. Goodbye, Danuta. See you tomorrow, slow-faced Jadwiga.

CURTAIN

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